How to be mentally strong
Primer Pt. 2: The SOMF approach to mental fitness
This is the second of three primer articles which explain the background and philosophical underpinnings of Strength of Mind Fitness (SOMF). You can read Pt. 1 here. Pt. 3 will focus on the SOMF approach to physical fitness.
Scope
In this article I explain the values that form the foundations of the SOMF approach to mental fitness:
Why focus on mental fitness?
The guiding principle
The values:
Courage
Humility
Tenacity
Resilience
A few quick tips on putting these into practice
Why focus on mental fitness?
SOMF is derived from the symbiotic nature of mental and physical fitness. Both are needed for optimal performance. But the mental aspect is pre-eminent. Why?
Because your mindset drives your actions. And your actions drive your results.
Mindset is the starting point.
That is why this is called Strength of Mind Fitness. And why the SOMF motto is Strength Starts Within.
Developing a mindset based on the SOMF values of courage, humility, resilience and tenacity will get you on the path to achieving your goals.
Mental fitness vs mental health
I use the term mental fitness rather than mental health because there is a distinction between fitness and health. In its simplest form, fitness is your ability to perform a task. Health is about the optimal function of the body’s organs and being free from disease. Though there are large areas of overlap between fitness and health, the latter strays into the medical realm which is not my area of expertise or the focus of SOMF.
Secondly, fitness can be improved through deliberate practise - getting the reps in. Mental fitness is no different to physical fitness in this regard, and this realisation is empowering and agentic: you can improve your mental fitness. For these reasons, I use the term mental fitness.
The Guiding Principle
The guiding principle of the SOMF philosophy is that we want to improve our physical and mental performance in order to improve the quality of our life.
Therefore, reducing the quality of your life in the pursuit of performance - though sometimes necessary for short periods - is rarely a trade-off worth making.
I see no point in pursuing performance in a way that reduces the quality of your life. If your life becomes one where you dread the sound of the morning alarm clock, grind through a pre-dawn training session, then spend the rest of the day grumpy and unpleasant to be around, well, you have spectacularly missed the point. The same is true if you become a slave to habits and routines that are meant to enable you to ‘live your best life’ but actually take it over.
Life is for living.
An increase in how much you can squat, or how fast you run a 5k is not worth turning your existence into a misery. Again, the whole point of the SOMF approach is to enhance your life, not take it over.
Admittedly, this can pose limits on your performance. If you sacrifice family time to spend more time in the gym, you will improve your physical performance faster and to a greater extent than if you didn’t make this choice.
People who in the popular consciousness fall into the bracket of ‘successful’ probably didn’t take this approach. At least, not on their way up. I don’t think Elon Musk has ever sought balance in his life. And the world’s richest man has been nothing if not successful. At least outwardly. But if we truly knew the reality of the sacrifices he has made, it’s unlikely we’d take the same path.
The only caveat is, as observed above, that at times, you may need to sacrifice the quality of your life in the short-term for long-term gain. When I completed the 100 mile challenge, this was a trade-off I made. I didn’t see my kids for a few days. And when I got home, I wasn’t exactly much use, as I could barely walk for the rest of the week. My wife had to step into the breach (as she has done too many times) and pick up the pieces.
If you are going to sacrifice the quality of your life in pursuit of performance, make sure it is a choice made with purpose and on purpose. And with a clear-eyed view of the trade-off you are making.
The values
1. Courage
Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because as has been said, it is the quality which guarantees all others.
— Winston Churchill
The BLUF (bottom line upfront): face your fears.
Churchill was a lonely voice against the British policy of Appeasement towards Nazi Germany in the years leading up to the Second World War. Though Appeasement was an understandable effort to avoid a repeat of the bloodshed of 1914-1918, Churchill viewed it as a disaster that would not prevent war, but merely allow Hitler space to pursue his war aims. Once Prime Minister, he had the courage to take Britain on the path that would lead to victory, often in direct conflict with those in his own government.
Courage is the fundamental value. It is, as Churchill noted, the value which enables the others. Without courage, there is no basis for any other values.
Consider the analogy of a car.1 Courage is the engine. It is what provides the power to move the car forward. Without the engine, the car would stay still. Without courage, we would stay still, unable to face the challenges of life.
Courage is therefore the starting point. It matters because if you are to overcome adversity or make any sort of meaningful change in your life, you will need a degree of courage to do so.
Courage is not the absence of fear. There is little that is courageous about acting without any downside. Without any risk or consequence. Instead, courage is taking action despite feeling fear.
Courage is a prerequisite in times of uncertainty. When you don’t know - cannot know - how things will pan out, you must have courage to take the first step. This is also true when trying things for the first time. Courage is needed to try. And if we don’t try, as Henry Ford said,
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
On a personal note, a lack of courage is the primary reason why it took me years to launch SOMF. I am a private person. I dislike being in the spotlight and before starting SOMF I rarely posted on social media. The thought of putting my ideas out there for all to see and open myself to ridicule really scared me. Still does. But I overcame this and acted despite of the fear - being courageous, if even in a small way - because of two things:
The number of people I spoke to about my ideas and found some resonance led me to think there were probably - or at least, possibly - more people out there who would feel a similar way and faced similar challenges. In short, there was a market for my ideas.
The growing sense of regret that I was not doing what I really wanted to do.
There are two primary types of courage: physical and moral.
Physical courage is the form we are most familiar with: the willingness to face danger and pain. To put your body at risk. The firefighter who runs into a collapsing building to save someone. The soldier who runs into enemy fire to help a wounded comrade.
Moral courage is less celebrated but just as important: standing up for what is right, despite there being a cost of doing so. The whistleblower who risks ruin to expose corruption. The friend who tells you uncomfortable truths.
During officer training at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, when I first joined the British Army, there was one book that was often mentioned on the subject of courage (clearly an important thing for budding army officers to understand): Lord Moran’s The Anatomy of Courage. Lord Moran was a medical officer in the First World War and became Churchill’s doctor during the Second.
Moran’s book is of its time. Many of his ideas are anachronistic as is his tone. However, I am a believer that we should not judge works of the past by the standards of the day. And his central theory on courage is what has stuck with me.
This theory, that was drummed into us by our instructors, was Moran’s analogy of courage as a bank. If you make too many withdrawals in a short space of time you will go bankrupt. A period of respite is then needed.
This is something I have experienced, perhaps surprisingly not during military operations, but rock climbing. Many years ago, before I joined the military, I was ‘persuaded’ to climb a very exposed, multi-pitch route in North Wales which was several degrees above my ability level. I fell numerous times (though as I was seconding, the rope caught me) and when I reached the top I felt utterly spent. I was shaking and unable to speak coherently for several minutes. Thankfully, it’s a feeling I’ve not had since.
Conversely, courage can be strengthened by doing things that you are afraid of. Face your fears. But to avoid going overdrawn, start small and build from there.
Whilst courage is predominantly a force for good, too much courage can be detrimental. Even dangerous. Especially when it puts others at risk. Humility is needed to keep it in check.
Questions to ask yourself to improve courage: How will I feel about myself if I don’t do this? What regrets will I have?
2. Humility
Humility forms the basis of honor, just as the low ground forms the foundation of a high elevation.
— Bruce Lee
The BLUF: be open to changing your mind.
Bruce Lee, arguably the greatest martial artist of all time, is also frequently described as being amongst the most humble. His attitude to humility is encapsulated in the above quote.
Sometimes maligned, humility can be mistaken as a form of weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth. Humility is not a weakness, it’s a strength.
Back to the analogy of the car: if courage is the engine, humility is the brakes. The brakes are what enable the car to move with control, rather than careening off the road at every turn. Just as humility keeps your worst impulses and your ego under control.
Humility is what lets you accept that you do not know it all. That you always have more to learn.
To make the point more starkly, consider the primary antonym of humility: arrogance. Someone who is arrogant thinks they are always right. That they are superior to others. That they have nothing to learn. As a result they do not develop but remain stuck, unable to admit to themselves that they may be wrong.
But to be humble does not mean to lack self confidence. You can be both self-confident and humble: confident in what you know and humble about the limits of your knowledge. Humility allows you to be honest about those limits and acts as the starting point for improvement.
Humility allows you to be open to changing your mind, which takes courage, but is a 10X mental upgrade in itself. For there is no value in doggedly sticking to an opinion or viewpoint once it has been shown to be false or outlived its usefulness.
Have strong opinions but hold them loosely. Don’t be afraid to change your mind. Changing your mind when the evidence changes is a sign of mental strength, not weakness.
The last word on humility is from Gurwinder Bhogal (his Substack, The Prism, is one of my recommendations):
Curiosity is essential to directing your intellect toward objective truth, but it’s not all you need. You must also have humility. This is because the source of our strongest biases is our ego; we often base our self-worth on being intelligent and being right, and this makes us not want to admit when we get things wrong, or to change our mind. And so, in order to protect our chosen identity, we stay wrong.
Questions to ask yourself to improve humility: What if I’m wrong? Have I actually got a point to make or am I just being defensive?
3. Tenacity
Patience and tenacity are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness.
— Thomas Huxley
The BLUF: stay the course.
Huxley was an English biologist and anthropologist in the time of Charles Darwin. After meeting Darwin, he became a supporter of his views on natural selection and proved a tenacious defender of his ideas. In time, this helped pave the way for the prominence of scientific thought in society. Something we all benefit from today.
Tenacity is the combination of persistence and determination. It’s the proverbial dog with a bone, who won’t let it go for anything. It’s about pursuing your goals in the face of adversity. It’s the value that often makes the difference between success and failure.
Once you have had the courage to do something and the humility to be honest with yourself about what needs to be done, you need tenacity to stick with your intended course of action.
In the analogy of the car, where courage is the engine and humility the brakes, tenacity is the wheels that keep the car moving. Rolling over bumps but staying on course.
Nothing worth doing comes easy. Whether it’s pursuing fitness goals, studying for an exam or just trying to be a better parent. There will be plenty of times when you just don’t feel like doing what needs to be done. But being tenacious, sticking to the programme, studying despite being tired, maintaining your calm in the face of provocation, is what ultimately reaps the reward.
Tenacity is what allows you to maintain consistency. And consistency is the single biggest determinant for achieving your ambitions. If you can keep doing the work. Keep making small progress. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Your consistency will compound into success.
Questions to ask yourself to improve tenacity: When I think of this tomorrow, what would I want to have done today? Am I really at my limit, or have I got more to give?
4. Resilience
The greatest glory of living lies not in never falling but in rising every time you fall.
— Nelson Mandela
The BLUF: adapt and overcome.
Mandela needs little introduction. Imprisoned from 1964 to 1990 in apartheid-era South Africa, he repeatedly refused offers of release that would compromise his values and aims. When he became South Africa’s president in 1994 he did not seek vengeance on his opponents, but to unite the country. His resilience in the face of adversity, especially his adaptation to changed circumstances - from pursuing armed resistance to pursuing political reconciliation - were crucial in leading South Africa out of apartheid.
Resilience is sometimes conflated with tenacity. While the two are similar, they are distinct. Where tenacity is determination in the face of adversity, resilience is the ability to withstand and adapt in the face of adversity.
Both are needed to achieve our goals; in isolation they can fall short. Tenacity without resilience can be like repeatedly charging at a wall, trying to run through it. You’re not giving up, but you’re not achieving much either. Resilience without tenacity can lead to directionless adaptation. You’re not beaten, but once more, you’re not achieving much.
Tenacity and resilience together are a formidable pair. They are what enable you to get over the wall.
In our analogy of the car, tenacity is the wheels, keeping the car moving forward. Resilience is the suspension, soaking up bumps in the road, adapting to different terrain to prevent the car (and occupants) being shaken to bits and unable to continue.
Resilience is also what allows you to pick yourself up and try again when you fail. If you commit to doing hard things, sometimes you will fall short. How you respond to failure can be the making or the breaking of you. You can choose to let it define you or you can learn from it. Adapt your approach. And overcome.
In his book, The Art of Resilience, Ross Edgley describes resilience as ‘strategic suffering’. The book tells the story of his epic swim around Great Britain. A truly staggering achievement. A world first. In that context, his definition makes sense. His resilience came not from suffering mindlessly, but suffering when he had to in order to complete the swim.
However, there is another dimension to resilience: resilience in the face of unexpected events. As with courage in uncertainty, these cannot be planned for and therefore strategy (which results from planning) does not have a part to play. It is therefore better to cultivate a resilient mindset that will allow you to deal with the unexpected. Key to this is reframing (as articulated in the question below) and breaking large tasks into smaller components that can be handled more easily.
Questions to ask yourself to improve resilience: How can I reframe this situation to see it as an opportunity? What would help me succeed but I’m not doing?
The whole is greater than the sum of the parts
Taken together, courage, humility, tenacity and resilience are greater than the sum of their parts. Together they are the tools to build strength of mind.
As with the car, all parts are needed for the car to perform its function. The same is true of these values. If you want optimal mental performance, you need to cultivate these values not in isolation, but together.
How to put this into practice
There are both passive and active approaches to making this work.
The passive approach is by improving your knowledge and understanding. Reading articles, listening to podcasts, watching videos etc. Then reflecting on what you have learned and how it is applicable to you. For some of my recommendations, see the links section on the SOMF website.
The active approach comes from consciously practising these values. Like with physical fitness, you have to get the reps in.
I am putting together a training programme for mental strength which will be available on the SOMF website in the coming months. In the meantime, a few quick tips on improving each value:
Courage
Visualisation: in your mind’s eye picture how things may play out and what a realistic outcome is.
Small steps: build up your courage by doing small things you are afraid of.
Humility
Journalling: keep a regular journal of your reflections (a free template is available on the SOMF website HERE).
Stop - Reflect - Engage: three times a day pause and consider your actions and your thoughts. Are they serving you? Or are you just trying to protect your self-esteem?
Tenacity
Daily discomfort: do something challenging, something you don’t want to do, EVERY DAY.
Commit: pick something to commit to that aligns with your goals. A training programme, a diet, a relationship. It doesn’t matter how small, just stick to it.
Resilience
Nature’s fix: get out in nature every day without the distraction of electronic devices. 15 minutes will do the trick.
Hack your nervous system: if you’re feeling overwhelmed, practise box breathing. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four. Repeat four to five times.
Thanks for reading.
I’d love to hear from you. Let me know what you think by adding a comment.
Which value resonates most with you? What would you add or cut?
Analogies are comparisons to illustrate a point. They are all flawed to some degree. However, bear with it as this analogy helps describe how the values fit together and complement one another.